Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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