Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
