No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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