Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
