I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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