as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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