Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
