My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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