no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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