I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
