I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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