I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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