totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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