I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
