Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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