Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My pussy is not your playground.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
