Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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