so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
