I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
