he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
