i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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