I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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