He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
