Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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