I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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