I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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