i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
