obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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