Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
