I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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