you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
