alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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