My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
