living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
