This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
