U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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