i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
love makes seman taste better
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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