he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
