If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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