you would pick up someone in the library
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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