You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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