A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
