Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
