I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
