OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
