I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
