Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
