She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
