Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hippo gnu deer
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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