Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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