o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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