real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
