Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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