Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
