Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
